Blarney Puff-Balls: I Live to Eat Them.

This is the reason I came to school at Indiana University in Bloomington. I did not know it at the time, but almost 3 years later I realized why fate had sent me to Bloomington:

BLARNEY PUFF-BALLS

Oh dear Fried Cheese and potatoes dipped in Ranch, I live to eat you.

One can find these "Blarney Puff-Balls" on the menu of my favorite pub in town, The Irish Lion, where many a night of fun began during my days in College. Though I had a terrible stomach ache probably from anxiety all day yesterday, I was determined to share one last serving of these fried balls of goodness with my two best friends at IU: Matt and Colleen, which brings me to perhaps the second reason why my destiny lay in Bloomington these past 4 years: How else could I have met such wonderfully kooky friends? How else could I have made it without them along the way?

Colleen, Matt, and the Photographer.

Matt wrote an entry about Commencement that really made me think today about the last four years of my existence. My initial reaction was one of sadness and almost regret that I hadn't done all I could to suck the marrow out of this wonderful town. My Merriam Webster Dictionary (Matt, I know you already covered this) does indeed define commencement as, "the act or time of a beginning," and so I took that to mind and the next initial reaction was one of anxious urgency, because I'm now jumping into a whole new world that I know a lot less about. So after first feeling sad and then anxious, I finally told myself to calm down and really think about what this beginning would mean.. I remember beginning college, feeling so excited and determined to live every moment according the principle set out in the Payne household: "life is a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death." I didn't want to starve, I wanted to take it all in and I packed in every single day with something new!

I went to my advisors and got every packet on every country IU would send me to and started planning on ways to get out of the United States. I contemplated studying art, journalism, biology, history, business, economics, and frantically signed up for classes I knew nothing about so that I could be sure I had tasted it all. I lived in a house full of crazy people from all over the world and had a blast. I went to Canada and wore a suit around Parliament thinking I was super cool. I studied different languages at the international center, and went to those free independent films. I was determined to get my money's worth.

But things aren't quite as new to me here at IU and this is perhaps the reason why I've felt a bit slow for the last year. I don't know when it exactly began, but I've come to realize one very important thing about myself: Never have I felt so in control of my own existence than when the circumstances surrounding it are out of my control. If I had to describe my trip to China, that may describe it. This was a bit sad when I came back because I'd made it for 3 years being obsessive about controlling things, and the Chaos called "Sammy's trip to China" made me feel out of balance. I would not take it back in a heart beat.

Today, though as I swallowed down one year of my life after another along with those Blarney puff-Balls, I realized the importance of those negative feelings, because they make this whole graduation thing worth the trouble. And this certainly gives NO credit to the fabulous friends I have made and my amazingly talented and supportive family, the people who have supported me along the way and put up with my kooky moments of doubt. I get all mushy and teary-eyed when I think of it, really. I have some really wonderful people in my life, and I'm so lucky for that. It's impossible to begin to list what I have learned from you all and how your support has changed me as a person. I have gained too much that it's too impossible to cloud those years with negativity, feelings of loss, or regret.. It is after all going to be an uncertain beginning, but I remember how well I did with an uncertain beginning 4 years ago and how far it took me (half way across the world and back and the friends I made along the way). But this blog was supposed to be about Blarney Puff-Balls. If you haven't tried them, I think you should consider a pilgrimage down to Bloomington. They are completely worth the $3.95 and package of Tums you'll need afterwards.

Happy New-Beginnings for us all and THANK YOU!